5 years

DesertMagic-1

In the past 5 years…

I…

ushered in new life

watched a loved one pass away

witnessed loved ones wade through the depths of grief and heartbreak

watched a loved one’s beautiful mind leave us

felt the deep meaning and connection of family

walked with several friends through heartbreak and divorce

learned of the many reasons why affairs happen

watched in awe as my children learn and grow and fight and play and love

lost my brain as I thought I knew it and am learning how to use the one I actually have

lost my body as I thought I knew it and am learning how to love the one I actually have

crashed against rock bottom

felt the deepest rage

felt the deepest love

have been courageous

have been way out beyond my comfort zone and feeling of safety

tried to support and then watched a family fall apart and fall deeper into poverty

have been to places in our own city/country that not many dare see

saw vistas so beautiful I cried and my heart sang

photographed most of them all

communed with poetry and music and nature

heard of and supported close loved ones battle their own minds and emotions

lost a friend to a deep and unknowable abyss

went through a midlife crisis without shaving off my hair

(The best lines my hair defender said, “It’s not your hair. Focus on self care, your body, your self-image instead.)

pierced my nose!

got drunk too many times to count

danced like no one was watching

sang at the top of my lungs

felt damn sexy

laughed for no good damn reason

said way too many stupid things

overshared then overshared some more

apologized and apologized and apologized

met and participated in multiple new life giving and affirming communities

found and lost a career?

felt heartbreak several times over for not only myself but especially for many thousands of people I don’t even know

shook my fist at God and asked God why?

tried to seek answers that I still can’t find answers to

became okay with not knowing

participated anyway

meditated

got high

prayed

fell out of love and in love all over again

felt deep and utter suffering and despair

battled addiction

battled sleep deprivation

cried and fought over money

gave money to those who need it more

made the best love

felt profound compassion

swore because it felt good

learned how to ask for and receive help

learned how to stand up for myself

learned the meaning of saying no

learned to recognize and acknowledge when I need to speak up/out

played, laughed, rejoiced, delighted, renewed, gave up, let go

sought the right and best help and let go of the no longer needed help

fell in love with several cameras and film

fell in love with countless photos and photographers (Salt of the Earth!)

felt my desire/talent deeply acknowledged

met artists and accepted my place as an artist

learned the meaning of “yes, and”

kicked shame to the curb and told it to go F itself

grew passionate about wolves and graffiti and mothers and babies

spent way too many hours on the internet

spent way more hours with my people

sought and sought and sought and sought some more

spiraled down and spiraled up

felt spirit move within and around me

grew exponentially

In essence:

I have loved.

I have lived.

I know who I am.

I know my worth.

I know my purpose.

I listen to the Secret that sits at the middle and knows.

I may forget, but will constantly seek to remember.

I am deeply satisfied.

This entry was posted in Personal.

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